Late Night Frustrations

Tonight I lay wide awake at almost midnight. My stomach is in knots and my mind is in 3,428 places. Some days I wish that God made me different. I wish he had made me without all my health problems. If he did that though, I wouldn't be me. 

When people ask me what is wrong, what do I tell them? Normally I just tell them not to worry and I will be fine in the morning. By morning, my stomach will be fine but my stress continues. I worry about the next night. What will I do if I get sick? Where will I be? 

Honestly, I think this is why I really enjoy my bed. I'm in a safe place, I know that if I were to get sick my parents are in the next room. In most cases, I don't get sick at home. It happens mostly at others houses, hotels, or camping trips. When I'm not at home, I'm alone, and I think that adds more stress. 

Sometimes I think I stress myself out so bad that I force myself to get sick. Why do I do this? Why do I put myself through getting sick? Even when the doctors tell me nothing is wrong, I tell myself there is something wrong. 

God tells us in the bible many times not to worry. But I still do. What will it take for me to let go and trust God? To stop overthinking my health problems? To let myself sleep through the night without forcing myself to get sick?