Speck vs. Plank

Today while doing homework and enjoying a coffee with a good friend, we overheard a conversation going on behind us. The ladies behind us were talking about the problems they are having with their husband's and then all the of the sudden, one of the ladies said in a fairly loud voice, "Sometimes I can be a really heavy drinker but I have kids at home." The fact that she said it like it was a good thing got me thinking. Does she blame her drinking on her children? Her husband? Does she drink in front of her children? Are her children young? 

It is times like this that I find myself judging others. Matthew 7 does an amazing job explaining what needs to be done in this type of situation. Verses 1-6 read, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plan out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. 'Do not give the gods what is sacred; do not throw pearls to pigs. if you do they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.'" 

Before we pull the speck out of someone else's eye, we need to take the plank out of our own, myself included.

Geek Alert

If you have never watched the Star Wars trilogy, I'm about to go into details about how it ends. Don't read on if you haven't seen it because it's worth watching. The Trilogy began with the forth episode and ended with the third. Confusing I know but here is just the condensed version.

The story of Star Wars is all about the life of Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker. Beginning in the fourth episode we learn that he is basically the villain.  All through the last three movies Luke, his son, says that there is good in him. However you think all through the movies, how can he have good in him? Well the sixth movie ends with him killing the Emperor to save Luke and unfortunately he ends up dying while saving Luke. What's amazing is that through the last three movies, all we know is that Anakin didn't start out on the bad side. Thats when the first three movies come into play. The first three movies (episode 4,5, and 6) were released in between 1977 and 1983. The final three movies (episode 1,2, and 3) were released in between 1999 and 2005.  That a very large time span to not release a movie. George Lucas, who is a phenomenally screenwriter/director, did an amazing job introducing us to Anikan, who would later become Darth Vader. We learn that Anakin was born a jedi, and according to prophecy was "The Chosen One". The third movie ends with him turning against the other jedi's and turning to the dark side.  (Keep in mind there is so much more to the story than just this.)

Why on earth am I telling you this? Well two reasons, first off, I am in love with the trilogy. Every time I watch them I learn more and more. Secondly, there is an amazing lesson to be learned from Anakin. All through the movies we are told there is some good in him. However we choose not to believe it because of his actions. We learn though, in the second to last scene of the sixth movie that he really is good. He finally realizes what he has done and he saves his son and in return for saving his son he kills the Emperor. 

Sometimes it takes people a long time to realize that what they are doing is wrong. What is our job when they won't listen to us? Pray for them. Wait patiently in hopes that one day they will realize what they are doing is wrong. Matthew 5:43-44 says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." The whole time Luke knew that his Father was good. Luke just had to wait patiently and had to love his enemy (Luke being a jedi and Darth Vader being part of the dark side). I know that Star Wars is a crazy example but I wanted to give you an example that has meaning to me. I also apologize if I just ruined the trilogy for you.

Thankfulness

As I was driving home from the house I nanny at, I looked up in the sky. Instantly I became thankful. I am thankful for the family who has adopted me as one of their own, who loves, provides, and will have a mini Star Wars marathon with me. I am thankful to live in a small town that is far enough from a big city that I can see the stars at night.

God always has a good sense of humor when it comes to his timing and I love it. I spent a couple hours tonight talking to the mother I nanny for. We talked about our struggles and how sometimes we just want to give up. She said that the thing to remember is that everything will eventually work out, it might just take some time. It was a moment that I realized that even in the chaos of school, work, and church, I need to take time and thank the people who have provided for me.

First off I have to thank my parents. Words can't explain how amazing they have treated me. After moving back home from college at the age of 18 and being discouraged the whole time, they have been there to support every decision I have made. Granted, I never planned on moving back home but as I have said before, God had something else planned for me.

Secondly, I need to thank the rest of my family. I have had nothing but support from them since the day I was born. They have attended every high school play, every birthday, and have never failed to make me laugh. Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving until we are all together in one room giggling about old stories. Personally, I can not wait until I get to spend the whole day eating and laughing with my family.

Lastly, I need to thank the family I nanny for. As of January 2014 I will have been their nanny for over 5 years. I couldn't imagine "working" anywhere else. The joy that they have shown me even in the darkest times has gotten me through more than I could imagine. Last December for the first time ever, I spent Christmas eve night with them and woke up to Santa's gifts in the living room. It was very different waking up with another family on the special morning but it made me realize that this isn't just my job, this is my second family.

There aren't enough words in the world to explain how thankful I am. All it takes is to look up at the beautiful stars in the sky to remind me of how thankful I am. God says in Psalm 147:3, "He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." This is just God's way of reminding me of thankfulness, how does he remind you?

Relying.

Day after day I could write a blog post about how amazing my friends are. However one of the hardest things to realize is that your friends are human, and no matter what, they will fail you. This is a very hard concept to understand. We set high standards when it comes to friends. We expect them to be there when we need someone to talk to. We expect all of these things from them, but when they don't live up to our expectations, things crumble.

There is one person you should always lean on and his name is God. Somedays I have a problem going to God with my problems instead of my friends because my friends are only a call or text away. However, in Isaiah 58:9 it says, "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am." No matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, no matter who you are with, God will always be there. Rely on Him.

The Story of Jack of All Trades and Sarcastigirl (Episode I)

On June 17th, 2012 I began my two month stay in Maryland. I would spend just over 8 weeks with people who would teach me what a friendship is.

When I arrived in Maryland, everyone who I had to work with had to create a nickname for themselves. I wanted a name that nobody had ever had. After long chats with my mom, it finally came to us, she said my name should be Sarcastigirl. It was perfect. What would be my superpower? You got it. Sarcasm.

You can ask any of the people I worked with that summer, I lived up to my name. However my name only played a little part in my summer. This summer would be the summer I would meet an amazing lady that would change my life. Her name? Jack of All Trades.

In 2010 I had met a young lady while visiting my parents in Maryland. She was my age and really loved Rita's. She was even kind enough to bring me one, even though she didn't know me at all. She truly had a servants heart. We would add each other on Facebook but the friendship wouldn't really go any farther.

Two years later we would be reintroduced and a friendship blossomed faster than you could imagine. During the 8 weeks we spent together we built a relationship nobody could break. As we made our way home from camp, her to California and me to Minnesota, we knew we were going to make this friendship work.

Now its been over a year since I have seen her. Our friendship is stronger than it has ever been. We know that no matter what, we will be there for each other. I thank God everyday that he has put this amazing, Godly example in my life. On days I am discouraged, she is there to lift me up. When her friends turn their backs on her, she knows that I am a set of ears to listen and vise versa. John 15:13-17 says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit-fruit that will last-and so that whatever you ask in the name of the father will give you. This is my command: Love each other." These verses remind me so much of our friendship. A true friend will stand up for you. The last sentence says everything. To have a friendship you must love each other.

I want to leave you thinking about your current friendships. Would you lay down your life for you friend? Do your friends discourage you or tear you down? Do you love each other?  In December of 2013, Jack of All Trades and Sarcastigirl will be reunited. Distance doesn't make friendships any easier,  but with God, he makes it possible to have a friendship no matter the distance.

Rest.

Do you ever have one of those days when you just wish you could go back to bed and start over? Then you realize that its only three o'clock and you still have more than half a day left? That was today.

Normally I leave for school around 8am. Today I left at 7am because I have to work on an in-class project before the class. Being a commuter, I either have to go into school before class or stay after and honestly, who likes staying after class? Not me.

I was almost to school when I ran a red light. I didn't think anything of it because the car behind me also went through. So, I thought I was safe. Well, just my luck a Police was sitting in the turn lane and basically shook his pointer finger at me to show me that he saw that. It made me instantly sick to my stomach. Bless his heart he didn't follow me, I owe him.

Well being that I had to be on campus meeting someone at 8, I parked where I normally park and went to my classes. Come 3 o'clock I get out to my car to find a delightful parking ticket on my car. State law says you have to be 20 feet away from all sidewalks, well I was 9 feet from the sidewalk. Praise the Lord the ticket was only $20. That's still $20 I will have to work for. Lesson learned.

Well as many know, I am also a full-time nanny on top of going to school. So, when I am done with school I go straight to work everyday. Today while the youngest was at dance, I went and picked up the middle one to get him out of the house for an hour. As we headed out of the driveway a car started following us. Sure enough by the time we were halfway to our house I realized that they weren't just following me, they were throwing either pennies or little rocks at all the parked vehicles on the road. As I rolled my windows down, I heard little "tings" and "pings" of little, solid items hitting vehicles. They continued to do it to all the cars down my road. Let's just say, the Sheriff's office was on it.

After today, I really hope that tomorrow is a better day. I could really use a day without anything to do with the police. But I will say, I have a huge amount of respect for all of our Policemen and Sheriffs. They deal with a lot of stuff around my hometown. Thank you for all you do. It is very appreciated.

I think it is time to actually go to bed and wake up tomorrow with a better attitude and a refreshed mind. Life can be crazy sometimes, and trust me I understand, but what we need to realize is that no matter what kind of day we have had, at the end of the day, God promises us rest. Matthew 11:38 says, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." God doesn't break his promises.

Upside Down

Do you ever wake up and think about how great your day is going to be, then all of the sudden your world is flipped upside down? My day was like that.

Over the past 5 years I have been adopted into a family from my church. They treat me like their own and have helped me through more times than I can count. Three weeks ago one of the girls from the family that adopted me was turning 3. We all gathered at her families home to celebrate. While there I met a guy about 30 years old who was engaged to be married to this girls aunt. He has 3 children and one that should be here any day. It's a very exciting time for this family.

Today I received news that he passed away. He was in a work related accident. He is only 30, had 3 kids and one on the way, and a fiancé. I ask that you pray for his children, his fiancé, and all of his family.

It's days like today that really make me think if I'm actually where I want to be in life. There is no way to know when our life is going to be pulled out from underneath us. Make today count.

Goodbye?

One of the hardest things to do is say goodbye, whether it is to someone or something. This past weekend my Family and I spent the majority of the weekend cleaning out our old toy room. With my brother and I being 17 and 20, we just thought it was time to go through all of our childhood toys.

Between my Brother and I we had two full toy-boxes, 8 full rubbermaid containers, and 6 boxes. My Brother got all of his stuff that he wanted to keep to fit into his toy-box and then one extra rubbermaid. His keepsakes were his hotwheels track and cars, his Darth Vader helmet, and legos. It was amazing to see some of the things he said goodbye to. For example, he has a bunch of finger skateboards, and he donated all two bins that were full. The next day it was my turn.

As we started sorting through all my dolls, my Mom and I came to realize that the only doll I had ever really taken care of got lost in our move 8 years ago. It was a sad moment but I think it was better that it got lost 8 years ago rather than right now. It would have been something very difficult to say goodbye to. We then sorted through all my legos. Keep in mind, I had only three or four sets, so they all fit in a small ziploc bag. Where as my Brother, his would barely fit in two bins. My legos mostly consisted of girls at the beach, or Hermione's potion class set from Harry Potter. Nothing like a Millennium Falcon or anything. (Yes, my Brother has the Millennium Falcon and is very proud of it.)

We started sorting through all my stuffed animals. I managed to go from a whole three totes, down to a small grocery bag. However, as we were going through them, it started to bring back memories. One of the dogs for example, I got when we went to visit my Great Grandmother. One of the bears, I got as part of my Easter basket one year. However the most meaningful thing I found all day was my Cabbage Patch kid Rattle baby. You are probably thinking, those babies had a rattle in the head and she is almost 21 and keeping it? Well, let me explain. When all four of us Grandkids were born, our Grandparents all got us a doll. Still today, we all have ours, and we still call them by their names: Ralphie, Matthew, Ally, and Luther. It is something that has more meaning than any of my other toys. I will never have a toy better than Ally. 

The final thing we sorted was my Barbies. Let me just say this, my daughter will never be allowed to play with Barbies. She can have a doll house and a big kitchen, but no Barbies. They will stay at Grandma's house. As an only granddaughter, I was overly spoiled with Barbies. I have so many that they barely fit into an extra-large hefty bag. It blew my mind how many I had. Quite frankly, it was ridiculous. 

All together, we donated more than 60 puzzles, more than 20 board games, three large garbage bags of stuffed animals and dolls, four large boxes of toys, and we still have three more crates to donate when we find the time. As we made the 1 mile drive to donate our stuff, it almost felt like I was saying goodbye to my childhood memories. Yet, at the same time, it was a relief to finally be able to say goodbye to such a big part of my childhood. 

My all time favorite Disney movie growing up was Peter Pan. The idea of never growing up and always staying as a kid, seemed the perfect plan. Is that reality though? Personally, inside I will always be a kid. Come Christmas, I won't be able to sleep through the night and I'll be up at the crack of dawn.  In the story of Peter Pan, the Author, J.M. Barrie writes, "Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting." Instead of saying goodbye to my childhood toys, I want to think of giving my childhood toys to others to make their own childhood memories.  

It doesn't take toys for me to remember my childhood. I will always be a child at heart. I will never grow up. 

Are you a "Wreck"?

It blows my mind how smart kids are.

Today at church, my 8, 9, and 10 year old boys were learning about good versus bad. We mostly talked about how it is impossible for us to be perfectly good. We are full of sin which is bad. However, when we become a Christian, God takes away all of our sin making us in his eyes good. Yet, we still have sin.

To help my boys understand this concept better, I asked if someone could think of one example. As soon as I finished the question, two hands shot up. I called on one of the boys and he wanted to share the example of Wreck-It Ralph. He began to say one of Ralph's lines in the movie. As he began to read the line from memory, the other boy jumped in and said it out loud with him. It was the exact same example the other boy was going to give. First of all, if you haven't seen Wreck-It Ralph, I highly encourage you to see it. It really makes you think. Secondly, I want to share what the boys said. Wreck-It Ralph says the line, "I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

The fact that these two boys knew this line was amazing. I wanted them to realize that us humans, are not good. We are bad. Look back at the quote though, especially the last part. That is what God wants. He wants us to be ourselves, but he always wants us to strive to be good. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 says, "9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This is exactly what Ralph was saying and meaning.

If an 8 and 10 year old can realize this, so should we. It's amazing how much kids know. They teach me far more than I teach them. I thank God for the 12 of them everyday. I am beyond blessed.

What a Waste

Have you ever taken a class in college or high school thinking that you will use that information in everyday life? Isn't that why you take the classes you take? At $259.60 a credit, my three credit class costed me about $778.80. I am officially half way done with this class but these next few weeks are going to be a test of my patience.

When looking at classes to take for this semester, I still needed to fill a diversity credit. There were so many options but the one that really stuck out to me was Special Education in the Community. I figured since I had experience in this field that this class wouldn't be too bad. I was wrong.

One week in, I knew I had made a huge mistake. Out of my classroom of 40 students, I was one of two students that wasn't an Education major. I have never had any interest in being a teacher but the reason I wanted to take this class was because I wanted more information on people with disabilities in the community. Now that we are officially half way done with the class, so far I have learned that I made the perfect decision to not be a teacher. The challenge the teachers in my class are going to go through is going to take patience, lots of patience.

My goal at this point is to finish this class with an A, which is totally possible, and to stop getting frustrated that I just wasted $778.80. Is the money that I spent on this class really wasted? I truly hope not but unless we magically start learning about people with disabilities throughout the community, it looks like it might have been a waste. Nobody wants to waste money, and especially they don't want to waste time.

Take a few seconds and examine where you are in life and ask yourself if you are wasting any money anywhere or if you are wasting your time with a pointless chore, or job. If you or others are personally not gaining anything by what you are doing, really ask yourself if that is what you should be doing. Don't waste your time, its limited.

Medical Mystery

When I was 10 years old, I spent the weekend at my Grandparents house down in the cities. For dinner we had hotdogs and later that night I started to feel sick. I ended up vomiting up the hotdog that I had eaten earlier in the night. The next day I woke up feeling just fine. We went about our day like nothing had happened the night before. A few weeks later I ate a salami sandwich with lettuce, mayo, and mustard. Again, that night I ended up vomiting. Once again, we didn't think anything of it. A few weeks later, I had hotdogs again for dinner, and I'm sure you could guess, but I got sick that night. We decided to talk to a doctor after this was happening a few times a week. The doctor said it was probably acid reflux. So they put me on a small pill that I took before bed. They also decided that it might have had something to do with the nitrites in processed meat so they told me to stop eating processed meat. Within a week, it proved to not work as I kept getting sick. We decided to try a nausea pill after that but that didn't work either. 

For the next few years, the symptoms weren't as often but they were still occurring. When I was 16, I started getting sick every night. I started losing weight and it was getting to the point that none of my clothes were fitting. We said enough is enough and we headed back into the clinic. This time they decided to run some blood tests and still nothing. They sent me back home and said just stay away from all meat since they thought that might be what is getting me sick. I kept getting sick and it started putting a damper on my after school activities, my schoolwork, my grades, and my social sleep. If I was home, I was normally sleeping. After continuing to get sick, we went back in. They decided to check and make sure that everything was normal with my stomach and my intestines. I had a CT scan done on my whole abdomen to check for cancer and praise the Lord it came back completely clear. So, they decided to run some more tests and this time they saw that my thyroid levels were zero. My left thyroid basically stopped working and my right thyroid was barely giving off any hormones. They decided to do an ultrasound on my neck to make sure that my thyroid was in good condition and everything appeared normal. They put me on some thyroid medication and slowly I started perking up again. I didn't miss as much school, my grades were going up, and I was able to make it to after school practices. Because of my thyroid problems, I still have to go to the doctor once a year to make sure that my thyroid hasn't shut down again. 

Unfortunately, we thought that maybe my thyroid was causing me to get sick, we were wrong.  I was still getting sick and the longer and longer it went on the more frustrating it got for us and the doctors. Finally my doctor said that he has tried everything he can and that I needed to head to a specialist. Sadly the wait to see a specialist at the hospital he suggested had a three month wait, and we couldn't afford to wait three months. Thankfully we found a wonderful doctor in the cities that only had a two week wait. Two weeks later we prepared ourselves to leave this appointment with no answers, but we were wrong. My new doctor decided that we needed to do a endoscopy because she thought that maybe there was something actually in my stomach that was causing me to get sick. First of all I do not wish an -oscopy anything on anyone. Lastly, prep alone is rough enough. Thankfully, the procedure went really well I didn't remember anything. The bad part, they didn't find anything. Also in the time from my first appointment and my endoscopy they put me on an extremely heavy dose of sleep medication. When we went to our follow up appointment she said there is good news and bad news. The good news, they didn't find anything. The bad news, they didn't find anything and the current medication they had me on had awful long term affects. She discussed how there is this new thing they are finding in young teens that is called intestinal migraines. There is no known cause, they just happen when they want. There is also no known treatment for them so there is no point in being tested for them because even if they told me that is what it is, they can't do anything for me. The doctor ended the appointment by saying that she was going to put me on an as-needed medication so if I ever feel sick, I should take it. Since June 2013, I have only had four episodes which is very good compared to the previous years. 

What happens now? I just get sick the rest of my life? Well the answer to that question is yes. Until they come up with new tests or medications, there really is nothing I can do. Since seeing my specialist, I have cut out all processed meats from my diet and I watch what I eat. In one way it is a blessing because for the most part my weight stays very normal, on the flip side if we go out to eat or to someone else's house, I can't normally eat the main dish. I have learned to stay away from highly processed foods like certain cookies, certain frozen meals, and many kinds of pizza. I have learned to really love fruits, vegetables, and different dairy products. I still struggle with getting my full protein intake but sometimes just eating a big, fresh steak will do the job. 

Until next time,

The Medical Mystery

My "Crazy Legs"

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be best friends with a Puerto Rican with cerebral palsy from Queens, New York, I probably would have laughed in your face.

In June of 2011, just 17 after I graduated high school my eyes would be opened. Coming from a mostly white community, my world was about to be completely flipped around. I moved out to a camp in Maryland for 8 weeks with my family and there I met people of every race, from every culture, religion, etc. There was a 16 year old working at camp that summer that was given the nickname, "Crazy Legs" because he has cerebral palsy. At first I was taken back by this situation. Isn't his nickname just making fun of him? He would also tell the people he worked with pretend stories of why his legs were the way they were. During the 8 weeks I spent in Maryland, I didn't really get to know him. It was almost like I didn't understand his logic on his nickname or his situation. 

Exactly one year later, my family and I went back to Maryland to spend another 8 weeks there. This time I was in Maryland I spend time with him and two others that both lived on opposite sides of the United States. We would go get Rita's, have deep chats about life, and just laugh with each other.

These 8 weeks in 2012 changed my life forever. I learned that he doesn't let his cerebral palsy keep him from anything. Whether it is playing on a slip and slide with 50 six and seven year olds or going sailboating around the Chesapeake Bay, he didn't let his cerebral palsy to keep him back.  I think in the two years that him and I have been friends he has taught me way more than I could have ever imagined. First, he taught me that you should never judge a book by it's cover. Second, he taught me that no matter how God made you, that's the way he wanted you. Third, he helped me to understand that we all have flaws and the minute you are able to accept your flaws, they aren't flaws anymore. They are the things that make you who you are today. Lastly, he has shown me what an amazing friendship looks like. Whether it is five in the morning or six in the afternoon, I know that he will always be there. 

I couldn't imagine my life without "Crazy Legs." Whether I need someone to talk to about what happened last night on 'How I Met Your Mother' or discuss where I need prayer in my life, he is always there. If you don't have a "Crazy Legs" in your life, I highly suggest finding one. They are keepers.

Yellow Crocs

Today in my science class a student showed up late wearing bright yellow crocs. As he walked up to the front of the class to sit in his seat, there were plenty of people laughing at the fact that he was wearing wet, squeaky, crocs. A lot of people I know think they are the ugliest shoes ever and have expressed it to me verbally.  I personally own a pair of raspberry colored crocs. Normally, I only wear them to the farm to see my chickens or to just run a quick errand. At what point do we stop judging people for what they wear?

Yoga pants are a huge deal these days. They are too tight and revealing. One of my friends said she refuses to wear them because "it makes a perfect outline of your butt." However, I personally think they are the most comfy pair of pants I own. It is also rare that I wear my yoga pants out of the house but occasionally if I have to run to the post office last minute, I will just go.

We are hearing more and more cases of "baggy" sweatshirts being banned from schools. A few years ago, my hometown school did just that. I have 4 or 5 large sized sweatshirts that I love sitting around a camp fire in or wearing to bed.

Think about these three articles of clothing; crocs, yoga pants, and baggy sweatshirts. It is rare that I wear them out of the house, however if someone was to ask me over to their house and they say, "wear what keeps you comfortable." Well, my crocs are probably my most comfortable pair of shoes, my yoga pants are probably my most comfortable pair of pants I own, and my red, hand-me-down Wisconsin, baggy sweatshirt is my favorite sweatshirt. Imagine the people who show up to school or work with their "comfortable" clothes on. Maybe they aren't wearing their dress suit or their nice shoes, but what would you think of them? Personally I would instantly judge them just like I judged yellow croc guy.

Who are we to judge others by what they wear? Just like yellow croc guy was wearing his crocs, I wear mine. Just like the teenage girl at school who is going through a depressing time wearing the yoga pants, I too own and wear yoga pants. Just like the bully who shows up to school late, wearing a baggy sweatshirt, I too own a baggy sweatshirt. This world has to stop judging people. Myself included, needs to work on this. Let's be accountable for each other and quit judging each other starting today.

To Pretend or To Not Pretend.

Why should someone ever have to "pretend like it never happened?"I have heard this phrase so much lately. When something doesn't go the way it is supposed to, why should someone pretend it never happened? Once something happens in life, it will have always happened. You can't change the past, but is there something you can do to help you so it doesn't happen again?

At just 17 years old, a girl that I knew lost her Father after a long battle with a rare disease. Her father was a very strong Christian and we knew he was in a better place. Shortly after his passing, she found out she was pregnant. She now has a very adorable, energetic little boy. What if someone was to tell her to pretend like her dads passing never happened or just pretend like getting pregnant never happened? Its impossible. She has pictures and memories of her Father and there is no way she can pretend like her son just appeared. 

In August 2011 I met my best friend. After only seeing each other once and exchanging phone numbers, in hopes to hang out the next day, she got appendicitis and had to be sent home from working at camp. We barely got a hello before I was on my way home from spending eight weeks working at a camp in Maryland. I was very mad for along time at God for putting this friend in my life and then taking her away, where I would never see her again. 

Over the summer I was  talking with a peer of mine and she told me that she didn't save herself until marriage. She used the exact words, "I could never pretend like losing my virginity never happened because then I would just be lying to myself, others, and God." This made me realize that these things happen and even though we know it is wrong, we are sinners and we do it anyways. Instead of dwelling on what happened, we need to ask for forgiveness. We can't take back the past or change it but we can admit our mistakes and realize that we need to ask God for forgiveness. There is nothing we can hide from him. He sees our every move and every breath. We also need to realize that by pretending things never happened can hurt others. Once we accept we did wrong, we need to ask others for forgiveness as well. 

Toby McKeehan, also known as TobyMac, says, "Cause we all make mistakes sometimes and we've all stepped across that line, there is nothing sweeter than the day we find forgiveness." Imagine if everyone went from pretending to instead forgiving and asking for forgiveness. In all honesty, we live in a world of sin but there is no reason we can't help each other understand our pasts. 

My friend, with the son, has had many talks with her Mother about what happened. Her Mother has forgiven her. She also understands why God decided it was time to take her Father. She knows that he was suffering and has now accepted that. I have also come to thanking God that he put my best friend in my life for only a short time. That short time was just enough to realize that even though we are 2,057 miles away from each other, distance can't keep two friends apart. My peer has also asked her, now husband, for forgiveness for not saving herself for him. She has also started a relationship with God and in the process, asked for his forgiveness for her past. Let's stop pretending things didn't happen and start asking God for forgiveness. 

Willingness to endure.

Patience is one thing that as human, we all struggles with, some more than others, but we all struggle. I am the first person to say I struggle with patience. I can't wait to be out of school, moved out of my parents house, and be is a solid relationship. Even though I think I'm ready for it, God knows there is no way I am. I still have so much to learn. 

Two years after I graduated high school I learned that my friends sister who was 17 at the time was to be married that summer. She would be married 3 weeks after her 18th birthday. My heart broke for her. Now knowing her very well, I've seen the struggles in a marriage and I wouldn't put that upon anyone. Sure enough they are married now and are both still in college. What if young couples were to have more patience? I'm not saying that marrying young is a bad thing. I know many couples who were married young that are very happy 10, 20, 30 years later. It just makes someone like me wonder when they have only dated someone 8-9 months and they are married two months later. 

One of my friends told me another situation. She was in a relationship with a guy and the relationship ended on rocky terms. However even though they are broken up, she continues to hang out with him. Why is it that girls/guys do this? I did this when I was in my first relationship too. I know exactly why I did it too, I wanted attention. He was willing to hang out with me and vise versa. It wasn't until eight months after we broke up that I realized we just were not meant to be together. Sometimes it just takes time, other times it just takes maturity and patience. 

When I was 17, my heart got broken for the first time. Even though I was still a teenager, it hurt. I cried myself to sleep a couple nights. The guy told me in a text message that he was basically going to start seeing his old girlfriend again. I felt like I wasn't good enough. If only we had gone on one more date. If only I had... and I took the blame for the relationship ending. Looking back on this situation, I am thankful I experienced this at a young age. The guy and I are still very good friends and I thank God for that because the guy is an extremely amazing example of a Christian. We had to work through our differences and be patient with each other but we managed to save our friendship and I am beyond thankful. 

My senior year in high school a boy moved to my school from a neighboring town. Girls fell head over heals for this basketball player. A couple months into the school year my best friend started dating him. I was so excited for her. He went to church and built a solid friendship with me, so he quickly won my trust. However towards the end of the school year, I witnessed and learned disappointing things about him. While trying to drop hints to her that he isn't who he appeared to be, he called me out in front a bunch of people. For the first time I stood up for myself and my best friend. I didn't want her to get hurt and if that meant putting my friendship on hold with her to have her realize that the life he is living isn't ok, I was going to do whatever it took. After months and months of praying for her, she came to realize that they were not meant to be. Today her and I are the best of friends and I know someday we will look back and thank each other for the lessons we have taught each other. 

Without life experience it is hard to be patient. We have to learn from our mistakes. We have to realize that everyone's situation is different than ours but there is no reason to remind each other that it is ok to be patient. There is no harm in praying for each other or with each other. We just have to remember that sometimes we have to let others make mistakes and learn the lesson for themselves. I highly encourage anyone who is struggling with patience, whether you are in a relationship or not, to look at 1 Corinthians 13. It is the chapter in the Bible that focuses on love. The beginning starts by saying if you don't love, you are nothing. Later on in the chapter it clearly says that love is patient. When you are ready, God will put your soul mate in your life. Don't rush to meet your soul mate. Be patient. 

A Persian poet once wrote, "Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy." Maybe the difficult part for you is starting over in a relationship or ending the relationship you are in because you know it's not where God wants you or maybe it being patient with a friend who is in a rough relationship. Be patient, your time is coming.  

Curly or Straight?

Today I got the honor to host a manicure/pedicure party for junior high girls. When we finished doing each others nails, they started asking me about all my formal and prom dates. Well in the process, they asked to see all my dresses. While I watched the girls try on my dresses, memory after memory popped in my head, some good and some bad. However I think I'll save those stories for another post!

While all the girls were trying on dress after dress they said certain things that got me thinking. "I wish I had your legs." "Why couldn't my chest fill this dress?" "If I was only taller." Comment after comment was I wish, I wish. Granted, that is me at times. I've never been 100% comfortable in my body either. Earlier in the day I had a deep chat with a girl who is very dear to my heart. She asked, "Why do girls with straight hair wish they had curly hair and girls with curly hair wish they had straight hair?" After thinking about it for a couple minutes I told her that I think that is part of being a sinful human. I said, "It's jealousy." We really had a good chat while doing our hair; her hair being straight, mine being curly.

When I looked up the definition of jealous, I simply got, "feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages." Clearly we don't look at our bodies as "achievements" or "advantages" all the time but we should. I saw a post about mothers with stretch marks and it said "I'm a tiger who has earned these stripes." I thought that was the coolest way to see stretch marks. Granted most people do not see stretch marks as the perfect parts of your body but we as humans need to realize how worth it those stretch marks are. Because of those stretch marks, you have the best blessings a mother could receive.

We always want what other people have. Simply look at our culture, as of 2012 over 245 million iPhones have been sold. That number blew my mind. However, the minute that Apple releases a new iPhone, we are instantly jealous of everyone who has the "new" one. Even if it doesn't have a fingerprint sensor or an updated look to the applications, it still works fine. We live in a jealous culture. Nothing is ever going to be good enough for us whether it is clothes, cars, houses, entertainment, etc.

Well, how on earth do I end this post without you feeling like crap... Well in Romans 12:21 of the Bible it says, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." The word evil can be a big word but think about that statement if evil is replaced by jealousy.  Jealousy is not something that God wants from us as Christians. We need to overcome our jealousy and the first step to overcoming it is realizing that God made you exactly the way he wanted you.

So no matter if you have curly hair or straight hair, if you are tall or short, if your toes are long or short, God loves you just the way you are. You are perfect in his eyes. Make him proud to call you his sons or daughter. He is the only person who will unconditionally love you forever.

Traditions

What happens when a tradition doesn't happen anymore?

For the past 8 years, a family friend would have a bonfire/hayride every fall. It was a time for families from church and the community to get together and join in some fall fun. For the first time, I will be the only one representing my age group. In the past it was my two friends and I. One of my friends is currently in Spain studying abroad while the other is in Iowa for a college cross country meet. It dawned on me today that this tradition is done. It will be rare if we are ever all at the bonfire again. 

So, what does this mean for us? We are all still very good friends but I think this is the part of "growing up" that nobody enjoys. I'm starting to realize that what I did when I was a teenager probably won't happen as often. For example, it's almost impossible for me to stay up past 11 anymore. However in high school I could stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning no problem (I don't know how I functioned the next day).

This got me thinking that maybe some traditions are meant to be passed down from generation to generation. On my Moms side of the family it is tradition to pass down a cedar chest to your first granddaughter on her 18th birthday. Both my Mom and I have one and I look forward to the day when I get to present it to my granddaughter (I am in no hurry). 

So tonight will be the night that I pass the "snipe hunting" tradition, the hiding in the graveyard tradition, and the getting lost in the corn tradition to the junior high students so they can enjoy 8 or 9 years of the tradition before they pass it down themselves. 

Just the beginning.

As I sit here in my new Ikea bed, with a precious five year old sleeping on my right, while rain is howling around my house, it occurred to me that I have been alive for two decades. Where does time go?

Growing up in a fairly normal family, Mom being a teacher and Dad being an entertainer, I had a very normal childhood. Born in the early 90's, I would say that the lifestyle I lived was very normal. I graduated high school on time and quickly moved out of the house without a care in the world. I was going to a private school to study Medical Chemistry. After a semester in private school and having my financial aid dropped, I quickly realized that God had other plans for me. I moved back home and started commuting to a public school an hour away. As of October 3rd, 2013 I am a Communication Studies major with an emphases in Leadership and Organizational Communication with a minor in Human Relations. It sounds like a mouth full, but I truly believe this is where God wants me.

As far as my plans after I graduate, well let's start praying about that now.